So I had a funny day yesterday.
I arrived at work sharpish, with my four-shot venti mocha in hand. The sun was shining, it was a balmy 85 degrees, and I was called out to spend the morning reviewing an event plan for the grand opening of a new branch.
As we were doing the walkthrough, my VP and another coworker got into a heated discussion about the placement of the registration tent. “Have no fear!” I said in a happily caffeinated voice. “Allow me to demonstrate, visually, our options for tent placement.”
But what to use as a prop? I’d need something sort of squarish. Something that I could hold in my hands and maneuver in such a way as to indicate the possible orientations of a large tent. But what’s this! It’s a work-issued, $600 iPad 2! This would be perfect! And certainly with my long track record of not being physically awkward in any way, shape, or form, nothing bad could come of this!
“Ok,” I said, “first, we could keep the tent angled away from traffic flow, like s . . .”
SCHTHWAK.
SCHTHWAK? you ask. What an odd sound. What possibly could make such a peculiar noise? Allow me to enlighten you. SCHTHWAK is the sound that a work-issued, $600 iPad makes when it flips out of your hands and lands, with almost Herculean force, ten inches from your Vice President of Marketing and Sales feet.
“Interesting,” I commented.
“Why did we hire you, again?” she replied.
In related news, it turns out that this sort of thing is not covered by Apple’s ridiculously short-sighted and stingy warranty policy.
“That’s terrible,” you’re all no doubt thinking, nodding amongst yourselves. “But at least even Scott’s LEGENDARY inability to properly operate the fingers on his hands couldn’t lead to any more mishaps today. Job done.”
Hahahah, I can only reply. Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhah.
So I go for a nice, relaxing walk on the treadmill at the gym. Not even a run! Just amblin’ along at a lazy Southern pace. And my mom calls! Can’t not answer a phone call from your mother, can you guys? So I pick up my nearly new, affectionately protected, much loved iPhone 4. So we have a nice chat. Yes mom! Broke the iPad! Just like that! After ten days! What do you mean, you can’t decide whether you’re more disappointed or unsurprised? I hardly think that’s constructive. No, I don’t think you should be more proud of my sister. Tell you what, I’m going to go for a run. Yes. I’ll call you ba . . .
SCHTHWICK.
And now you say, Well, that sound is both familiar and oddly different. Indeed it is! It turns out that an uninsured iPhone 4 makes a slightly different noise when it slips out of your hand boomerang style, spins across the rooms, and nearly beheads a very surprised looking lady currently riding the elliptical machine two feet to your right.
“Interesting,” I commented.
“Wow,” she said. “You took that really well.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Well, I’ve sort of had practice.”
So there you go. Ten hours, two Apple devices, and over $1000 in un-warrantied damages. Sometimes I even amaze myself.
